Peanut Butter, Jelly, and Bananas – It’s either a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or a peanut butter and banana sandwich. You just can’t have all three together. Also, whenever you can, toast the bread and use crunchy peanut butter.
Texting Etiquette – Anytime you get a one-word message, respond with another one-word message. See how long this can go for. The amusement will definitely get you through a three-hour course on contemporary women’s playwrights.
Drink and Do Drugs – There are only two reasons to be sober: During athletics, and when you have to discuss Chinese economic policies with your friend’s dad. There is nothing more awkward then explaining the exporting procedures of Shanghai after some Jamaican rum.
What Not to Say to a Girl – If you happen to meet an attractive girl, (or guy) never, EVER, tell them you’re not interested in more than a platonic relationship. We all know you’re not thinking about having a platonic relationship.
Learn to Procrastinate – Rush yourself on the important parts of life, because you’ll never know relaxation until you’ve experienced stress. Next time you have a term paper, start researching the night before it’s due!
Oh, and by the way…
Be Hypocritical – Life isn’t about sticking to a set of rules; it’s about changing old habits and adjusting to new environments. Maybe, for once, you’re gonna chug less alcohol. Maybe you just wanna get a head start on your French homework. Hell, perhaps I might even try a PB&J with sliced banana.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
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