This year has been hectic, as my housing situation consists of four girls and four guys in one apartment floor. Amidst an atmosphere of sexual tension, (Just kidding. We all follow a strict “No Roommate-Loving” rule and it has been working very well) I’m learning a lot from these ladies. For example, women also like to play FIFA 10! All jokes aside, here are a few thoughts I’ve learned to share with my housemates.
Stop Reading “Cosmos”
Trust me on this one; articles on pleasing guys should not cover 10 pages.
Seriously, there are not 101 ways to seduce a man. We would not notice if you’re gently stroking your thigh in mid-conversation. That, in guy world, constitutes as an itch. Do you want us to think you have itchy legs? Just tell us if you’re interested in any sort of a relationship. Keep in mind that if a guy wants to date you, he will date you. Reading magazines on getting your dream boy-toy will only make things complicated and cause insecurity.
In fact, the entire issue can be simplified into one word: cheesecake. Bake your crush/boyfriend/husband/pool-boy a slice of cheesecake and he’ll be yours for quite a while. I’m not even kidding. Delectable desserts never fail in showing him your love and desire. Maybe you could even add a little whip cream…
Dirty Socks Can Be Worn Twice
It’s never about what you wear; it’s about how you wear it.
Yeah, as if you haven’t heard that about a thousand times…
Some of the most ridiculously good-looking girls I’ve ever met show up at parties in miniskirts and lacy tops. They look great with the red lips and blackened eyelashes, and all the drooling bros flock to them. But at the end, the ladies are the ones who look stunning with a sweatshirt and casually ruffled curls.
Guys could care less if girls take only a minute to get dressed with a gigantic frayed hoodie. Don’t spend hours deciding which dress best accentuates your bra! Really, it’s not worth the effort. The world won’t collapse if you wear the same green and blue socks from yesterday. It’s all good as long as they don’t smell.
Thoughts on Platonic Relationships
In all honesty, good friendships and opposite genders rarely go together.
About ninety percent of the girls I meet will never amount to lasting amity. I hate to admit it, but most guys are going to want something more from female friends. It may be a date, or just someone to share flirty words with, but we usually aren’t interested in just the childhood stories or boyfriend problems.
And in all honesty, I think that’s a dreadful situation.
Such attitudes create a false sense of compassion within both genders. (I’m sure some girls act like this too!) Afterwards, I would just feel guilty and guilt only brings stress.
Thus; I’m grateful I’ve found four housemates whom I can be friendly with and not wonder if they think I’m fishing for their digits. Platonic friendships are really something to be cherished. Otherwise, how else could we share laughter at Cosmopolitan sex advice columns?
Monday, November 16, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Fake Friendships Are the Best
The other day I strutted by a very peculiar statement.
“Wow, you look like a homeless person!” said this girl as she nonchalantly commented on her girl-friend’s outfit.
Man, girls are absolutely brutal to each other! I was astounded to see the girl-friend just smile and mumble a response, appearing indifferent to any insults. If that were me, I would’ve replied with something along the lines of “Yeah, well, your mother doesn’t love you.” (Pardon my humor…) For all I know, that girl-friend could’ve been having the absolute worst day of her life, and this girl just completely shits on her!
“Yeah, well, you look pudgy!” That’s what I would’ve shouted back at her.
If this were between two guys on the lacrosse team (Maybe even just two guys), everyone would discard the conversation as mechanisms at work for manhood. Just simple witty blurps and nothing more. But am I right in thinking that? Perhaps I’m too dim-witted to realize that my teammates and childhood friends are just mocking my life? I don’t mean to sound insecure, but how exactly should I interpret “Jacky! Use your kung-fu to get us some dumplings!”?
“Yeah, well, at least I’m not a burger-inhaling fat American!” Yup, that’s as good as my comebacks get.
Instead, I laugh at the implications of stereotyping and racial discrimination. Hell, I even chuckled a little when my girl-friend (Whom I share the platonic relationship with) implied that I couldn’t incorporate Dick In A Box into my Halloween costume because of a “small” Asian complication.
“Wait, is that why we’re just friends???”
In the end, I’m glad I’m too dumb to understand the thin line between funny sarcasm and tasteless insolence. Overanalyzing dialogue would ruin any level of friendship with conflicts and undisclosed tension. What matters is whether or not you can get a smile (Or a manly chuckle) out of a relationship. I don’t know about you, but I think I’d make a pretty funny-looking homeless lad.
After all, who really cares about the camaraderie and complete selflessness of true friendships?
“Wow, you look like a homeless person!” said this girl as she nonchalantly commented on her girl-friend’s outfit.
Man, girls are absolutely brutal to each other! I was astounded to see the girl-friend just smile and mumble a response, appearing indifferent to any insults. If that were me, I would’ve replied with something along the lines of “Yeah, well, your mother doesn’t love you.” (Pardon my humor…) For all I know, that girl-friend could’ve been having the absolute worst day of her life, and this girl just completely shits on her!
“Yeah, well, you look pudgy!” That’s what I would’ve shouted back at her.
If this were between two guys on the lacrosse team (Maybe even just two guys), everyone would discard the conversation as mechanisms at work for manhood. Just simple witty blurps and nothing more. But am I right in thinking that? Perhaps I’m too dim-witted to realize that my teammates and childhood friends are just mocking my life? I don’t mean to sound insecure, but how exactly should I interpret “Jacky! Use your kung-fu to get us some dumplings!”?
“Yeah, well, at least I’m not a burger-inhaling fat American!” Yup, that’s as good as my comebacks get.
Instead, I laugh at the implications of stereotyping and racial discrimination. Hell, I even chuckled a little when my girl-friend (Whom I share the platonic relationship with) implied that I couldn’t incorporate Dick In A Box into my Halloween costume because of a “small” Asian complication.
“Wait, is that why we’re just friends???”
In the end, I’m glad I’m too dumb to understand the thin line between funny sarcasm and tasteless insolence. Overanalyzing dialogue would ruin any level of friendship with conflicts and undisclosed tension. What matters is whether or not you can get a smile (Or a manly chuckle) out of a relationship. I don’t know about you, but I think I’d make a pretty funny-looking homeless lad.
After all, who really cares about the camaraderie and complete selflessness of true friendships?
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