Inappropriate Conversations

Attention; my friend and I have officially justified cheating in a relationship! Through a strenuous thought process, we have come up with the following reasons:

“It’s not cheating if you don’t love the second girl.”

“Your girlfriend wants you to be happy, right? Well…”

“The denunciation of cheating is merely a product of societal obstacles, alongside racism and classism.”

“It’s also not cheating if you don’t love your girlfriend.”

Yes; these are the topics I come across when speaking with a good friend from high school. We were once roommates, classmates, and teammates before leaving for two completely different colleges. As he bathes under the balmy Florida sun, I look forward to struggling through New England winters. Yet, while we haven’t hung out since last May and our schedules (Or a lack of interest…) prevent us from mailing letters to each other, these are the matters discussed when we do chat.

As we laugh hysterically at one another’s comments, (Note: our conversations are riddled with sarcasm. Please do not cheat on your significant other.) I can only imagine what passing eavesdroppers may think about the immaturity and senselessness. Shouldn’t two good friends, who’ve been through so much together, discuss more important issues? Why don’t they bother to ask about each other’s aspirations, or even how the family is?

Well, is that what you ask your best friends?

I certainly don’t.

For me, the best of friendships is not about being able to pour out your emotions to someone. Instead, it’s when you can find laughter in the awkward and uncomfortable, because that’s the hardest to obtain.

And of course, it all starts with sharing adultery jokes.

Fake Friendships Are the Best

The other day I strutted by a very peculiar statement.

“Wow, you look like a homeless person!” said this girl as she nonchalantly commented on her girl-friend’s outfit.

Man, girls are absolutely brutal to each other! I was astounded to see the girl-friend just smile and mumble a response, appearing indifferent to any insults. If that were me, I would’ve replied with something along the lines of “Yeah, well, your mother doesn’t love you.” (Pardon my humor…) For all I know, that girl-friend could’ve been having the absolute worst day of her life, and this girl just completely shits on her!

“Yeah, well, you look pudgy!” That’s what I would’ve shouted back at her.

If this were between two guys on the lacrosse team (Maybe even just two guys), everyone would discard the conversation as mechanisms at work for manhood. Just simple witty blurps and nothing more. But am I right in thinking that? Perhaps I’m too dim-witted to realize that my teammates and childhood friends are just mocking my life? I don’t mean to sound insecure, but how exactly should I interpret “Jacky! Use your kung-fu to get us some dumplings!”?

“Yeah, well, at least I’m not a burger-inhaling fat American!” Yup, that’s as good as my comebacks get.

Instead, I laugh at the implications of stereotyping and racial discrimination. Hell, I even chuckled a little when my girl-friend (Whom I share the platonic relationship with) implied that I couldn’t incorporate Dick In A Box into my Halloween costume because of a “small” Asian complication.

“Wait, is that why we’re just friends???”

In the end, I’m glad I’m too dumb to understand the thin line between funny sarcasm and tasteless insolence. Overanalyzing dialogue would ruin any level of friendship with conflicts and undisclosed tension. What matters is whether or not you can get a smile (Or a manly chuckle) out of a relationship. I don’t know about you, but I think I’d make a pretty funny-looking homeless lad.

After all, who really cares about the camaraderie and complete selflessness of true friendships?